i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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