I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
