Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have fence marks all over my body
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
