i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
