Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
