I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
