What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
