White coat. Heels.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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