I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
