He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
