Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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