you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
