Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize