i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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