The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
