I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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