Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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