I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is Oprah even human
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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