$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
