Where are you?
In a non slutty way
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
