just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
