I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
