you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
