so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
