I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she smelled like a LAN party
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
