u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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