Got a toothbrush?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
