this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
