yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
