Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my poor anus
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
