Got a toothbrush?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
