ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
