the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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