I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
