my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
