she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize