please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A+ Viking dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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