I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize