Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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