i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
