I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The beer is more important than you right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
