HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
