I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
