Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
