And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
