i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
