All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
