did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
