What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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