The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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