my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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