The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
