Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
