I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's always time for handjobs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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