What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to calm my uterus...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
