I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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