I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
