Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
my liver is dry heaving
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
