imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
