Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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