i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
