just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize