one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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