she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
