i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
