So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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