He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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