he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
